Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I finally get it!

Two weekends ago I went to my cousin Amy's wedding in Texas. It was a beautiful wedding. I love weddings and I have so many friends getting married. Well, my cousin Amy and Anthony just got back from their honeymoon and her "new" husbands status on facebook this morning was... "Anthony Hilbers is finally married to the woman of his dreams!" Isn't that sweet? I read that and of course I gushed and was so happy and excited for Amy. And what an awesome guy to say that and really, genuinely feel that! After I soaked it in, I got sad for myself. I get so selfish sometimes. Of course, I started wondering if any man would really ever feel that way for me, or am I going to be single forever... blah blah blah. BUT, as I was driving after work to go pick up Cameron, I was praying and noticed how beautiful the hills looked, and then BAM all of a sudden I got it. I realized that God looks at me just like that. God loves me just as much, even more! Not only is God my Father, and my brother, but He is my lover, my romancer. God pursues me. He loves me. Unconditionally. I feel so content and happy and free. How has it taken me so long to understand who God really and truly is!? I feel and see God in such a different way. Its amazing.

Here is a verse from the Song "Beautiful" by Bethany Dillon

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Also, here is an awesome verse

Psalm 59:17
O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.

How Great

So yesterday, I was driving in my car on my way to meet my friend Alaina and her son Dylan. I had just changed cd's in the car and put in the Chris Tomlin cd I bought about a month ago. I was just driving along paying attention to the road when all of a sudden I heard Cameron start singing along to the song playing! I couldn't believe what I heard. I started the song over, and sure enough he was singing the chorus of the song everytime it came on. He was singing, "great our God, great our God" incase you are unsure, he was singing to the song "How Great i and has Our God!" Isn't that so precious! I started laughing so hard. I even had to take a picture at a red light because I thought it was so darn cute. What a sweet boy. It made me realize too, what a sponge he is. Cameron really pays attention to everything and notices much more that I realize he does. I'm such a blessed mommy.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


So, I tend to find myself being fearful of things and stressed over things. Generally, they end up being silly, but sometimes legit.

Today I found myself in so many odd situations that made me fearful. At work the main stone machine stopped working and the manufacturer of the machine is in Italy with no shops in the US. It was so stressful all morning long. It doesn't help that my boss handles his anger and frustration by yelling. I sat at my desk basically ducking behind the printer all morning. It would have probably looked funny. Thankfully, by early afternoon they got the machine running without having to fly someone out from Italy! :) Sometimes at work I have to make bad phone calls, for example, a job is running behind and we can't install as soon as they had anticipated, or calling people and asking for overdue payments. I know it is only a job, but I always tend to get fearful because I hate being the "bad guy."

Also, today, I got a text message from someone who wanted to talk. Now, usually that isnt a bad thing, but after receiving the message I got really fearful and nervous. What is wrong with me today?

I then began thinking how silly I am. Just last night in bible study we finished reading through Galations. Some of the background from Galations was Acts 13 and 14, so we read through that too. One verse specifically stood out to me when I was thinking of fear today.

Acts 14:19-20
Then some Jews came from Antioch and Iconium and won the crowd over. They stoned Paul and dragged him outside the city, thinking he was dead. But after the disciples had gathered around him, he got up and walked back into the city. The next day he and Barnabas left for Derbe.

Isn't that crazy that Paul, after being stoned and left for dead, ended up walking back into the city?

That is so cool that he trusts so much in God, that he was not fearful.

We also ended up going through Psalm 112 last night, and again, it talks about fear.

Psalm 112:7-8
He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

And finally, we just finished Galations, and have decided to start studying Ephesians this week. Well, it just so happens that in Ephesians it gives an awesome verse to help me in my "talk"

Ephesians 4:2-3
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Do you think all of that is coincidence? Or God awesomeness?
I think God awesomeness :)

God is constantly teaching me and reminding me to trust in him and not have fear. With God on my side, what do I have to fear? We will all still experience hurt and sadness im sure, but God is always with us.

It also reminds me of this really cool Chris Tomlin Song
"On Our Side"

Everyone around the world
Hear the joyful sound
See the heavens open up
Hear the music coming down
Nothing's gonna separate us from the Father's love
I can't help but celebrate
'Cause we're not alone

If God is on our side
Who can be against us?
If God is on our side
We won't be afraid
Though the mountains may fall
And the sky will crumble
There ain't nothin' gonna stand in our way

Come on down to the riverside
Wash it all away
Leave behind your troubled mind
For an uncloudy day
Nothing's gonna separate us from the Father's love
I can't help but celebrate
'Cause we're not alone

Monday, May 19, 2008

Dancing Machine

Over the Weekend we went to Texas for my cousin Amy's wedding. I have a lot to blog about, but I thought I would keep it simple and just post some really cute pictures of Cameron. He was a dancing machine! He didnt stop dancing all night long. I love him. :)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


For mother's day, my mom asked that I join her for church in San Francisco. Of course, I agreed, but had no idea what she had in mind, or why she wanted to go to the city for church. As I was digging into the issue, she mentioned she wanted to go because she had heard the music was wonderful. The choir was an awesome gospel choir and she wanted to go see them live.

Sunday morning rolled around and my family, Cameron and I left for the city. We parked at Union Square and walked to Glide Memorial Church. The service didn't start until 11:00 o'clock, but a line began forming to get into the church at around 10:00 o'clock. I was amazed that there was a street full of people waiting for an hour to get into church.

When we finally got into the sanctuary the placed filled up within minutes with about 2,000 people and several people had to go into the overflow room they had set up. I was blown away to see the energy inside of the church. The band began playing and the choir came out and started singing songs. They sounded great, they all had great voices, and the saxaphone and brass instruments were awesome. But, as I began listening to the music my heart sunk and started breaking. One of the songs they sang had a verse that said, "I have a god who's on my side." My thought was, what do you mean "a god", we have THE GOD on our side. The rest of the songs they sang never even mentioned God or Jesus. Yet, all of the people in this church were standing up arms raised up, singing full of joy. I was so confused.

Sharon Stone, the actress was a guest at the church on Sunday morning. She was there with her family and they were all getting baptised. They got up on stage, and during the baptism, the pastor's were saying, "you are now baptised in peace." What does that mean baptised in peace?

As the service was ending they put up a sign with the Islam symbol, the Jewish star, and the Cross.

The entire 2 hours I was at this church my heart was hurting so bad. I saw real, genuine people, singing to someone they didnt even know. People hearing what they thought was truth, but really wasn't. There was no scripture quoted. God is not a god, he is THE GOD. It made me sad, because the people there are trying to seek and find someone or something, but they are not being lead in the right direction. How are they going to know what they are hearing or how they are living is wrong if they are not hearing REAL TRUTH? Or being helped in seeking real truth?

It made me realize, that we as Christians, need to be more intentional about sharing our faith. We need to be more intentional about speaking truth, and living out truth. I don't want this to come across as me being a close minded person. I am not. I love everyone. But, I am now fully aware that the world really does need the REAL truth spoken.

I went on their website this morning to see what their religious views were. Here is what it said, The Glide Bible Study Group is not in pursuit of the definite
interpretation of the Bible, nor does it claim to be the holders of God's ultimate truth. All opinions are respected and appreciated; the group learns and teaches as one single practice.
Through the contribution of every one, we may get somewhere near God's message and guidance.

John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Walk by Faith

Walk by Faith. What does that mean? To me, it means to full heartedly believe. It is hard sometimes to trust when I can't physically feel God here. Holding me, comforting me, loving me. It is hard to stick up for Him when I am worried how my friends will react or what they will say. It is hard to defend God when I lack so much knowledge. Yet, God still chooses to love me. God has faith in me, just as I have faith in Him. It is a constant learning process and I am continually reminded how good God really is!

In my bible study we are going through Galations. I have learned so much from it already. Here are some verses that have stuck out. Think about them, they are thought jerkers! :)

Galatians 1:10
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galations 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galations 3:10 - 11
All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law." Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith."

Galations 3:22 - 25
But the Scripture declares that the whole world is a prisoner of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe. Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.

Galations 4:6 - 7
Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you an heir.

Galations 4:8 - 10
Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God-or rather are known by God-how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? You are observing special days and months and seasons and years!

Galations 5:13 - 14
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Galations 5:16, 18
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of sinful nature.
But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

Galations 6:1 - 2
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you wou are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

God calls us to walk by our faith. I have been feeling tugged at again to go and do missionary work. I am looking into doing work in Chile, and would appreciate all of your prayers!

Here is an awesome song by Jeremy Camp. Just another reminder of God himself and what He wants us to strive and do.

Walk By Faith by Jeremy Camp

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see it
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me
Your grace covers all I do

yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, ya

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace

Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)
Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)

I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith
I will, I will, I will walk by faith

Monday, May 5, 2008

Cinco de Mayo

I have a lot to write, but nothing really related to cinco de mayo except for some cute pictures of Cameron, so I will keep it simple today and save the writing for later. Here are some cute pictures of Cameron :)

Thursday, May 1, 2008

My sweet boy

Today was the first day of the San Carlos farmers market. Last summer, Cameron and I would walk downtown to the farmers market from my apartment and eat fresh strawberries and peaches and other fruit for dinner every week. This year I hope it wont be any different. Today, Cameron ate soooo many strawberries... but he also got some pizza from speederia :) He walked around with a strawberry juice all evening and wouldnt let me wipe his face off. You can see the nice red beard in the last picture. There was this funny band playing called the rip tides. It was a bunch of old men in hawaiian shirts thinking they were so cool. Cameron enjoyed dancing. I took some pictures of our first official farmers market this year! I know im lame...

The last two nights, I have basically cried myself to sleep. I really try not to cry around Cameron because I dont want him to worry about me or get scared, but being a girl sometimes thats hard! He has seen me cry before and usually he just starts crying himself. These past two nights he has been the sweetest little boy to me. I am reminded how blessed I am. God has been so amazing to me, and has allowed Cameron to comfort me! :) I put Cameron in bed with me and the sweet boy kept saying "happy mom, please, happy mom." How can you not be happy with Cameron saying that in the sweetest voice. He kept hugging me and kissing and telling me he loved me. By far the cutest thing though is, after a few minutes of crying, he reached up for my eyes, and kept saying "no more water mom, no more water." He wanted me to stop my tears. Isnt that cute? After I stopped crying, I decided to pray and I asked Cameron to pray with me. It was like a little repeat after me session... but he did pray and it was darling. Im such a lucky mom!